What are words worth?

Not a lot here, by the looks of things you read every day! Whether it's an inexpensive flier, a hand painted shop sign, a well thought out ad campaign, or even newspaper copy, spelling and grammar can quickly turn into alphabetti spaghetti! Not that you can't see why as there are numerous languages spoken in Bangalore - Tamil, Telegu, Hindi, Kannada, Urdu, English and more.... For the most part, you can figure out what people are trying to say, but often times, it can be plain old baffling. My favourite this week was a lovely little pink flier which popped on our doorstep along with the morning papers. Here's the first couple of lines, with no grammar or spelling altered:

Anoos, a nexus for past present and future ruling roost since 25 years Explicit, Anoos excels it self in variegated forms now brings you a world-class....

A world class what, you might be asking?? ... salon & spa facilities at their Somajiguda centre

I'm not sure I want to be variegated at a nexus for roosters, but they do offer Well-versed staff, awesome products, and especial therapy. I'm loving the use of the word 'awesome' here but my favourite part is their international beauty school business which they have given the acronymn, of course, of IBS. I hear that that's in the 'bowels' of the salon building... groan!

What DO you do all day?

As an expat trailing spouse lady of leisure I am often asked 'what do you do all day?' Well, today has been one of those 'Indian' mornings where I've wasted three hours of my life that I'll never get back! I made two phone calls to the gas company to get a replacement cylinder (two because no-one answered the first number and it was only by osmosis that I knew the second was the right company, no greeting when answered or real confirmation that it was the right place!) Our gas is supplied here in camping-like cylinders and we are lucky enough to have two; I hear getting a new connection can take MONTHS so we were lucky to get one through Tom's company. No doubt the guy delivering it this afternoon will be taking this preferred mode of transport! Next, I called our building Super. This is a weekly call I am making in an attempt to get a receipt for some work that was done on Tom's geyser two months ago (it's a hot water system, not some kind of physical ailment!) It is more out of bloody mindedness that I am trying to get this as I know the plumber who did the job doesn't want to go back to the guy who allegedly did the work and get the receipt (in fact, they've probably both forgotten how much they charged me). I mentioned this to the Super a month ago and he was so adamant that he would get it, I had every reason to believe it would happen, but it's resulted in me making a regular Friday morning call to the Super to check on the status. The first week I call, he sends the plumber up who says it will take 2-3 days. The following week I make the call, and the Super offers to come up WITH the plumber but I just ask him to sort it. So today I make the call and apparently it will come today! Don't hold your breath... Next I call Hathway Cable about disconnecting our service. This is my favourite. We got so hacked off with their shoddy service, lack of response, broken cable box, no-one showing up, yada yada, that we subscribed to the lovely shiny and new TATA Sky, complete with satellite dish AND set-top box. So far, they have been nothing short of miraculous! However, my quest to get my Rs. 3,000 ($75) deposit back from Hathway and someone to come and take their shoddy cable box is proving a challenge... They were supposed to come Weds but it was raining (!!!), but they were to call when it stopped... two days later, and clear skies, I called them. They are supposed to be coming in an hour.... unless it rains, I guess! The kicker is that they are telling me they can't give me ALL the deposit back, they have to take 20% 'wear and tear' and 12.5% tax... that's the bit that I'm not buying so we are all set for a full on fight! I have to say though, I am nearly worn down to the point where I'd pay THEM to take the stupid thing back! The final part of my morning was spent chasing up the three calls I made to our hospital yesterday to get some routine test results; they were to be emailed and couriered yesterday. Nothing. More calls today, more spelling of my email address... slowly... even though it's on their very fancy computerized system... a repeat of my home address... even though it's on their system...and success, they have been emailed! And just to make my morning complete, everything is normal with them. Now I gotta go, the gas is actually here - just an hour after I called!!! It's these little things that restore your faith in humanity!!!

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby...

... but just not in India, especially at school. Dubbed "the great sex debate" the Indian government's attempted introduction of sex education into schools has met with mixed responses, including some states banning the programme altogether. It's a worry. As perceptive Health Minister, Anbumani Ramadoss, put it so poignantly, "In our country, we do sex. But we don't want to talk about it and that is why we have a billion population." The topic (if anyone can bring themselves to talk about it...) is set to fuel discussions that will go on, and on, and on, and on... but it strikes me that it's about time something was done, given the apparent lack of sex education among young men and women. The grounds for this generalized assumption is through the forward-thinking Bangalore Mirror and its daily 'ask the sexpert' column. It's not a large column (no pun intended) and today appears on page 33 under 'yoga for women - issues II' and across the page from today's health tip: "fruits are natural blood cleansers and energy givers, however, be careful not to have them along with vegetables." Sound advice, I'm sure. Anyway, I digress. The 'ask the sexpert' column never ceases to cause hilarity and amazement as I sip my breakfast tea and munch on my cereal each morning. Generally, three questions are featured, mainly from men (I'm assuming) with issues such as, "my foreskin doesn't move like it did when I was a child (what's he trying to do? dance with it?); I ejaculate within five minutes of masturbation - am I infertile?; how do I get rid of my daily masturbation habit?" Our resident doctor, Dr. Mahinder Watsa (Watsa doctor doing writing for this rag - boom boom!), replies succintly and knowledgably: "see your doctor about the tight foreskin; if you are worried about infertility, consult a counsellor; and (my favourite, the one where he applies his own learning) learn better control like you would when you want to stop overeating!" What a great way to start the day!